When I'm Gone
by Wolfiefire
Summary: Years after the Second Wizarding War, Harry's married to Ginny. He's defeated Voldemort, and saved the Wizarding World, but something's wrong with Harry. He's depressed, not himself, he's hardly happy. What happens when he takes it out on Ginny? Will their marriage survive? What of their daughter?


**A/N:**Hey guys! Wolfiefire here! Publishing my first ever piece of work here (squeeeeeeel). First off, let's just get this out there; there will be a tad of swearing, and lyrics in it. It's based off of Eminem's "When I'm Gone", the lyrics are in it, in italics. Set after the Second Wizarding War. There's a hint (I suppose) at acts of a sexual nature (Okay, that sounded way to sophisticated for me :P), which is why I've rated it 'M' and not 'T', also because there's a bit of domestic violence. It's my first classification, so drop it in a review if I did it wrong? Thanks! Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

**When I'm Gone**

* * *

_Yeah...  
__It's my life...  
__My own words I guess..._

* * *

Harry stood staring as the Dark Lord raised his wand, ready to kill him. Harry raised his and struck back. He fought against the Dark Lord for what felt like forever until Harry, pushed to his limit, began to falter. As it looked like he was to lose, a familiar red head appeared in the corner of his eye. Just seeing her there made him feel like he had to live. It was his life. Not Voldemort's. He was going to win.

* * *

_Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?  
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?  
When they know they're your heart  
And you know you were their armour  
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her_

* * *

It was 3 years after Harry killed Voldemort, but he was still struggling to deal with life after the war. He rarely spoke; he found he wasn't happy often. He tried; he faked his way through life. The red headed girl who stood beside him always was the main reason he tried. Ginerva Molly Weasley, the red haired angel who was there for him, who looked after him when he was down. He loved her, he'd do anything for her, and she knew it. He was only happy around her; he'd protect her with his life. But things were rocky, and with her being pregnant, things were getting worse slowly.

* * *

_But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?  
And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you?  
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?_

* * *

"Harry James Potter! Is that Firewhiskey you're drinking?" Ginny glared at Harry.

Harry glared back at his wife, flipping her off. "Fuck off Ginny."

"Harry! You can't drink! I don't like it when you drink..."

"I don't really care what you like or not?"

"Harry... What happened to you, to us?"

"I don't know, don't care." Harry hiccupped, taking a long sip of the Firewhiskey.

'W-What about us? About all of us?" She indicated to her swollen belly, to the daughter she was carrying.

"I. Don't. Care." He stood abruptly. "I don't care about anything anymore. Not you, not her, not me, not anything."

"H-Harry..." she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. "P-Please..." She reaches out for his hand.

He flinches away and stares at her. "Don't touch me."

She pulls her hand back from him and sighs, a tear running down her cheek.

"Don't cry. Makes you weak." Harry says emotionlessly before heading to the door.

"You're going to see her, aren't you?" Ginny asks shakily. Harry ignores her, heading through the door and slamming it shut. Ginny wraps her arms around herself and let the tears fall.

* * *

_"Daddy look what I made", Dad's gotta go catch a plane_

* * *

"Daddy, Daddy!" The 6 year old, red-haired girl runs up to Harry, smiling happily.

"Look, honey, I'm about to leave for work."

"Daddy, you're always busy!" The girl pouts, looking up at her father.

"Look, Lily, honey, I really am leaving. I'm going to the ministry."

"Daddy! I just want to show you my broomstick I made..." She frowns, looking exactly like her mother and wanders away. Harry removes his glasses and rubs his temples. He replaces them, grabs his coat and disapparates.

* * *

_"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where is she?"  
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's busy_

* * *

"Daddy..." Lily mumbles and tugs at Harry's sleeve.

"What do you want Lily?" Harry sighs. It was the fourth time she'd interrupted his work.

"Daddy... I can't find Mummy. Daddy, where's Mummy?"

"I don't know, go play with Rose. I'm busy."

"But Daddy, I haven't seen Mummy all day. Where is she? I miss Mummy..." Lily's eyes wells with tears. Harry looks away from her. It's his fault Ginny's not around. He'd been out all night with _her_ - with his lover from the past all night. Ginny had cracked it and walked out in the morning, telling him she was going to George's place.

"Lily, I don't know." He says. "Stop disturbing me, you wanted to show me that broomstick yesterday, now wanting to see your mother today. Go occupy yourself."

"D-Daddy..." Lily bites her lip and turns on her heel very much like Ginny does. Harry sighs, thinking about how he hates hurting them, but can't stop.

* * *

_Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gonna write itself  
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself_

* * *

"Daddy, come play! Come play with me! Please Daddy? For once?"

"Lily... This report isn't going to write itself..." Harry sighs, looking up at his daughter.

"Harry, play with her for once in your life." Ginny says, narrowing her eyes at him from the kitchen.

"Fine." Harry sighs, stands and takes Lily's hand and leads her outside.

"Thank you Daddy!" Lily smiles happily and squeezes Harry's hand.

"Only five minutes though."

* * *

_Then turn right around in that song and tell her you love her  
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image of her_

* * *

Harry opens the door slowly and walks into his bedroom quietly, trying not to wake his wife. The light turns on and he sighs.

"You were with her. Again." Ginny stares at Harry, folding her arms across her chest.

"And?" Harry rolls his eyes at her.

"How the bloody hell would you feel if I was sleeping around with bloody Neville, or Seamus? Or Michael? Or what about if it were Dean?" Ginny's voice never goes above a hissed whisper as she tries to control her anger.

"I'd be pissed. You're mine."

"So why is it okay for you to lie and cheat on me with Cho?"

"Because I don't care what you want. I'll do what I want."

"So if I went out and slept with Neville, you'd be okay with it?"

"No."

"Then why can you hurt me like this? You're never here, you're cold to Lily, and you act like you hate _me_! Why do I have to put up with this?" She steps closer to him. "You promised you'd never hurt me. Harry, you're a liar."

"You don't get it, Ginny! You don't!"

"_What_ don't I get, Harry James Potter? What? I've put up with your behaviour for the past 9 years! Ever since you defeated him! You're a prat! You think you're the best because you beat him! You think you're above the rest of us! Just because you don't feel, doesn't mean you can treat me like I don't feel, because I do!"

"Don't call me a prat! You don't know anything, Ginerva Molly Weasley!"

"Do you realize how much I hate that I love you? I hate you. I hate me! I hate this! I'm sick of it all. I want to go. I feel so alone here! I'm leaving Harry." Ginny says, picking up a bag. "I'm leaving."

"No you're not! You can't leave." Harry says blocking her.

"I'm taking Lily and going. I don't want to be with you." Ginny says, trying to push past him. He grabs her shoulder and pushes her back, and slaps her. She clutches her cheek and stands in shock.

"You're not leaving me." Another slap.

"You just hit me." She states simply, rubbing her cheek and wiping her bleeding lip.

"So what?" He shrugs and looks away from her. He knows he's wrong, but can't admit it.

"Daddy? Mummy? What's going on...?" Lily stands at the door, rubbing her sleepy eyes.

"Lily, get back to bed." Harry says, not taking his eyes off his wife.

"Don't talk to my daughter like that!" Ginny glares, pushing past him and taking Lily's hand. "Come on Lily, let's get you to bed." Ginny picks her daughter up, resting her on her hip. Lily leans her head on Ginny's shoulder, yawning sleepily. "We'll talk later, Harry." Ginny says, leaving the room.

"They're so alike..." Harry mumbles, watching the two women in his life leave.

* * *

_That's Slim Shady, yeah baby, Slim Shady's crazy  
Shady made me, but tonight Shady's rocka-by-baby..._

* * *

Harry wishes he could stop treating his family this way, he doesn't want to. Voldemort is dead, so why is he still torturing him? Harry doesn't know. He knows how much she's hurting; he knows how much she hates him. How much she loves him. How conflicted she is. He hates himself for it. Voldemort's affecting him, 9 years later. He doesn't believe he's hit her, but he has, and he doesn't know what to do.

* * *

_And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn  
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling  
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain  
Just smile back  
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn  
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling  
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain  
Just smile back..._

* * *

Ginny gets away by going to Ron and Hermione's. She spends time there, smiling, and being happy. She connects with them, remembers the old Harry while he's working, remembers the old Harry while he's with Cho, finding some sick happiness with her. She covers the bruises while she's there, makes sure Ron and Hermione can't tell what's going on at home. She hears his voice while she's there, feels nothing toward him, except for the love she still holds for him.

* * *

_I keep having this dream, I'm pushin' Hailie on the swing  
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing  
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"  
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more, "Daddy you're lying  
"You always say that, you always say this is the last time_

* * *

Harry stands there, playing with Lily, she's smiling and happy, and so is he. Lily laughs and Harry smiles down at her, watching his daughter with joy. She stares up at him and her expressions changes to one of pain.

"Why are you always gone Daddy? Why?" She screams up at him. Harry's expression turns to one of pain and he winces.

"I'll be around more honey. I promise. I will. I'm changing."

Lily glares and her red hair blows wildly in the wind. "You're making Mummy cry, why? Why is Mummy crying?"

"Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more. I'll be here more." Harry says, taking her in his arms.

She struggles against him, and hits his chest with her fists. "Daddy you're lying! You always say that! You always say this is the last time!"

Harry catches her fists and stops her from hitting him. "Honey, I promise I'll be around more. I'm stopping; I'll be here for you and Mummy."

Lily looks up at him, a glare plastered across her pretty features. "Tell that to Mummy. She cries because of you. Every time you leave."

Harry stares at his daughter, wondering when she grew up. She's 10 now; it's been 13 years since the fall of Voldemort.

* * *

_"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine"  
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it  
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no stop it!"  
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket  
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Daddy, take it withcha'"_

* * *

Harry grabs his coat, walking to the door. He's just had another fight with Ginny; she's locked herself in their bedroom. He's hit her again, he feels horrible. He knows she deserves better. He knows she knows where he plans on going. He's planning on going to Sweden, to Cho. He needs to feel that bliss, he needs to feel something other than the hurt.

He gets to the door; Lily is standing in front of it, piling boxes in front it. "Lily what are you doing?"

"Piling boxes in front of the door!"

"Why?"

"You're fighting with Mummy again. You're leaving for that... Woman. But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine."

"Lily, please."

"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave," she stands there with her arms out. He picks her up and moves her aside. "Daddy - no stop it!" She wraps her arms around his waist. "Daddy please. Please..."

"Lily, no." Harry stares at his daughter.

"Daddy..." she reaches into her pocket and holds up a tiny necklace locket - one he'd bought when she was a baby. She opens it, a picture of him and her sitting in it. "This'll keep you safe Daddy, take it with you."

Harry takes the necklace and stands there, dumbstruck. Lily moves away and runs to his and Ginny's room, letting herself in.

* * *

_I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror  
These fuckin' walls must be talking, cuz man I can hear 'em  
They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight  
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late  
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door  
It turns to a stage, they're gone, and this spotlight is on  
And I'm singing..._

* * *

Harry's at Cho's place, standing in front of her mirror. She stands behind him, kissing down his neck. He sighs, fingering the locket in his pocket.

"What am I doing here...?" He mumbles to himself.

"What's that, love?" Cho asks, unbuttoning his shirt and kissing down his chest.

"N-Nothing." He shakes his head and she pushes him back against the mirror, kissing up his chest and back to his neck, sucking on the skin, but not leaving any marks.

Harry sighs, leaning his head back against the mirror and closing his eyes, allowing Cho to dominate him like always.

* * *

_And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn  
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling  
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain  
Just smile back  
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn  
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling  
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain  
Just smile back..._

* * *

Ginny sits in her bedroom, tears running down her face. She rocks herself. She's just had a fight with Harry and he's gone off to that... Woman. She hears a knock on the door, and a soft voice ask if she can come in. Ginny wipes her eyes, using her wand to unlock the door. The door inches open and Ginny spots Harry leave as Lily walks into the bedroom.

"Oh Mummy." Lily mumbles, closing the door and rushing to her mother's side.

"Lily, sweetie..." Ginny sighs as Lily reaches her side.

"I couldn't stop him Mummy. I couldn't." Lily reaches out and wipes her mother's tears from her cheeks. "I'm sorry Mummy."

Ginny smiles despite what just happened. "Thank you for trying sweetie." She brushes Lily's hair out of her face. "You act like your father back when he was young."

"But I look like you Mummy." Lily smiles.

"You've got Harry's smile." Ginny mumbles.

"Smile Mummy. Daddy will come back. I gave him my necklace. He'll come back."

"Lily..." Ginny smiles slightly at her daughter and hugs her tightly. "Thank you, sweetie."

"It's okay Mummy."

Ginny feels completely broken at the fact Harry's off with another woman but hides it from Lily with a fake smile.

* * *

_Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat  
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet  
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out  
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd  
I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing  
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleeding,"  
But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?  
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'  
"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy sad_

* * *

Harry lies on the bed, Cho straddling him. She's dominating him, kissing him, running her hands down his sides. He's unclothed, and Cho is moaning his name, gradually getting louder as she moves.

She stops abruptly and he stops touching her as there's a loud knock on the front door. "Ignore it hun." Cho breathes.

"No, might be important." Harry mumbles and lifts her off of him. She pouts, sitting on the bed and crosses her arms. Harry gets up, pulls his boxers on and goes over and opens the door. His eyes widen when he spots the familiar red hair. Lily is standing at the door, arms crossed.

"Daddy, it's me, Lily. I need you to help Mummy." Tears are running down her face. "Her wrists are bleeding."

"But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?"

"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'! You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mummy sad!"

* * *

_"And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad'  
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin  
"I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are going"  
But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made the choice  
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"  
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep.. screamin' your name_

* * *

Lily holds up a coin, "I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad', that's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin." She tosses the coin to him. "I get the point, fine, me and Mummy are going."

"But baby wait..." Harry reaches out for Lily. Cho calls out for Harry in the background, wandering over and resting her head on Harry's shoulder. Lily looks at Cho with disgust and focuses a glare on the dark haired woman.

"It's too late Dad, you made the choice. Now go back in there and show her," Lily nods her chin at Cho who was pressing kisses to Harry's neck. "That you love her more than us. That's what she wants, she wants you, she's been screaming your name. I could hear."

* * *

_It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take another pill  
Yeah, I bet you will. You rap about it, yeah, word, k-keep it real  
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see  
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me_

* * *

Lily glares at the woman standing behind Harry. "By the way Daddy, Mummy's way prettier. You chose an ugly one."

Cho makes a noise of outrage and glares at Lily. Harry holds a hand in front of Cho, silencing her.

"I'm sorry Lily. I know." Harry looks down at the ground, shame evident in his features.

"It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take another pill, yeah I bet you will." Lily's glare turns to Harry. "I can't believe you would hurt me and Mummy like this. How could you?"

"I'm sorry baby."

Tears stream down Lily's face again. "Sorry doesn't cut it Daddy. If you return, Mummy and I mightn't be there. I don't see how Mummy still loves you."

* * *

_I turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it  
Put it to my brain and scream "die Shady" and pop it  
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes_

* * *

Lily's left and Harry's in the doorway, Cho still draped over him. He shrugs her off, and rushes around, picking up his belongings and getting dressed.

"Where are you going?" Cho asks, frowning.

"To my wife. I'm an idiot, she needs my help."

"You really are an idiot." Cho nods, rolling her eyes at him.

"I know." Harry groans as he finishes dressing. He disapparates, arriving home within minutes. He runs into the house, following the sounds of broken sobs into his and Ginny's room and into the bathroom. The white tiles are stained with blood, Ginny is sitting there, trying to stop the flow of blood.

She looks up, blinks and looks back down. "Harry..."

"Ginny. Ginny, honey, I'm so sorry." He drops in front of her, pulling out his wand and healing her cuts. He drops his wand and pulls her into his arms. "I'm so sorry. I know you won't forgive me, but I'm sorry."

"Harry..." she mumbles and wraps her arms around him, clinging onto him as she cries. "You came back..."

Harry pulls away slightly and lifts her chin to look up at him. "Ginny, I'll always come back. I'm sorry I've been a bad husband. A bad father. A bad lover. A bad friend. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I love you. I love you so much, and I realized, this has gone on for 13 years, I realized how stupid I've been. I'm sorry for the times I hit you. I'm sorry for the times I was a jerk, an ass, I'm sorry. I love you."

"Oh Harry..."

* * *

_That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'  
It's Spring and Hailie's outside swinging, I walk right up to Kim and kiss her  
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister  
Almost as if to say.._

* * *

Harry wakes in the room he shares with Ginny. For once he's waking in his own bed, without Cho beside him. For once he's not on the couch. It's late morning; Ginny's let him sleep in. He walks out into the kitchen where Ginny is cooking breakfast, wearing his shirt. Harry walks up to her and grabs her by the waist, pulling her close and kissing her.

"I've missed you, Ginny." Harry smiles, holding her close to him.

"I've missed you too, my love."

Lily sits at the table, with Rose, Hermione and Ron who are over for breakfast. Lily smiles and winks at her cousin.

* * *

_And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn  
__Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
__Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling  
__And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain  
__Just smile back  
__And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn  
__Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
__Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling  
__And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain  
__Just smile back..._

* * *

Harry smiles brightly at the woman he loves. They're renewing their wedding vows, ceremony and all. Ginny's walking down the aisle, wearing the same dress she wore the first time. It doesn't seem to faze Harry as he waits for her, grinning. He bounces on the balls of his feet.

"I'll always look down on you, smiling, I'll always be here, I'll always love you, it's my life, and I want you, Ginerva Molly Weasley."

* * *

**A/N:** So how did I do guys? Good, bad, horrible? Just leave a review on how I went? Would be appreciated! And maybe you can suggest what I should write next, and which fandom it should be from? Love you all! Thanks for reading!


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